How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
