I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i would punch a child for taco bell
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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