have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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