I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
