Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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