i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
