It's Friday. Sex?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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