Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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