SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
