I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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