I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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