the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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