you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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