The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
