How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
