Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
