some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
