My nipple is on Facebook.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
