I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize