I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
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I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
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I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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