I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
