YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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