omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
