____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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