Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I wish there were birth control emojis
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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