remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
