Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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