READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Randomize
