around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
