can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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