You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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