Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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