I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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