his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
