Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
