Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
organizing the empties. That sober.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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