worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
