There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
