I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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