I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
