about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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