She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
