We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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