yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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