Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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