Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
