I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
