I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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