shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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