question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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