is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I would fuck him just for his dog
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
