I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
