I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize