weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
