So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
