I think my fart just growled at me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
