drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
