maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
